day 2

Day 2 of the unyielding pain
I wish that others were as selfless as me, and that I never felt used.
I wish I was strong enough to figure out my path in life, instead of allowing me to shadow.
I haven't eaten in a while, but I dont think I want to eat.
maybe i'll just find something new to do, who knows about the friends at work, maybe I can meet new people
Getting to know myself is something that is more important than relationships, but I think maybe its the best possible route for my life.
taking it one step at a time is really hard for me.
I gave her all that I had, but it was never enough, why am I just going through the motions and never getting any results. I am smart, I know that I can be great, awesome, spectacular!
Let me see who I want to be, who I NEED to be if I ever stand a chance with a woman again.
I need strength to not cry everytime I think about it, everytime I hear her voice, or see her face, its just too much to take in and handle.
Why do I pay 300 a month in rent to live in something that isnt even a room anymore. I have no privacy and even my roomates are now a part of my relationship, really fucking awesome.
Why can't it just be me and tashia, I feel so hurt that I was depressed because of my own doing.
I feel betrayed, how can I trust her, how can I know she wont do this to me
How do I know she didn't do this to other guys, how do I know..
will she be faithful to me, will she still value my friendship
will she still see me as someone who is beautiful? will she be able to see my heart of gold??
I am such a giving person, maybe its my turn to be selfish... (sounds disgusting to even say that)
I know that my hardworking nature, and perserverence will carry me throughout my life, and that I can always find happiness in helping others.
I helped her through her toughest times, and she isnt willing to stick with me during a very short rough patch.
one and a half years, of ongoing depression and I am left alone after 3 weeks of my own sadness.
Is this fair? am I that wretched when I am sad?
Was it even my fault that I was sad?
I need time to breath, time to think
looking forward to the gym and the new things to come.

The first night

New to blogging, but it seems like a really good way to get out ideas and goals.
I want to find happiness.
My girlfriend of almost 2 years, suggested we take a break from eachother, to find out what we truly can find happiness in.
I was so hurt and heart broken at first, but I decided to be a better man, and find what I am interested in.
Learning to live life not dependent on another person is something that I will struggle with, but there is always a plan, and there is always a brighter side.
I am planning on losing weight as my first goal, but doing it for myself.
I believe that if I can feel better about my body, which needs about 20lbs of work xD, then I can start to be happier and more confident in doing things I want to do.
I want to be able to take off my shirt, and feel good about it, or be able to walk around the house with the best abs haha
I know that my other two roomates and my gf all are thinking of losing weight as well, but I want to show them how much of a man I can be.
How strong of a fighter that I really am.
This tiff with my gf, my best friend, I hope will blow off in time.
I hope that I can finally be able to stand on my own two feet and feel proud about myself, and the people I surround myself with.

This week:
Leave the house at least 3 times for something new!
Work out at nights doing situps and pushups, and hit my amenities center on..
tue night
thursday x2
sat x 2
and sunday x2

Lets see what I am capable of, I want to prove it to the whole world