day 2

Day 2 of the unyielding pain
I wish that others were as selfless as me, and that I never felt used.
I wish I was strong enough to figure out my path in life, instead of allowing me to shadow.
I haven't eaten in a while, but I dont think I want to eat.
maybe i'll just find something new to do, who knows about the friends at work, maybe I can meet new people
Getting to know myself is something that is more important than relationships, but I think maybe its the best possible route for my life.
taking it one step at a time is really hard for me.
I gave her all that I had, but it was never enough, why am I just going through the motions and never getting any results. I am smart, I know that I can be great, awesome, spectacular!
Let me see who I want to be, who I NEED to be if I ever stand a chance with a woman again.
I need strength to not cry everytime I think about it, everytime I hear her voice, or see her face, its just too much to take in and handle.
Why do I pay 300 a month in rent to live in something that isnt even a room anymore. I have no privacy and even my roomates are now a part of my relationship, really fucking awesome.
Why can't it just be me and tashia, I feel so hurt that I was depressed because of my own doing.
I feel betrayed, how can I trust her, how can I know she wont do this to me
How do I know she didn't do this to other guys, how do I know..
will she be faithful to me, will she still value my friendship
will she still see me as someone who is beautiful? will she be able to see my heart of gold??
I am such a giving person, maybe its my turn to be selfish... (sounds disgusting to even say that)
I know that my hardworking nature, and perserverence will carry me throughout my life, and that I can always find happiness in helping others.
I helped her through her toughest times, and she isnt willing to stick with me during a very short rough patch.
one and a half years, of ongoing depression and I am left alone after 3 weeks of my own sadness.
Is this fair? am I that wretched when I am sad?
Was it even my fault that I was sad?
I need time to breath, time to think
looking forward to the gym and the new things to come.